Question: My boyfriend and I started having sex just recently and every time we do it, he can never reach orgasm. It's different for me because I can climax but he can't. He tells me that he does enjoy it and he comes close to it but for some reason, he hasn't been able orgasm. Is there a reason why? We always use condoms, could that be the reason why he can't cum inside me?
Answer: The following Q&As address your question:
The use of a condom is reported to result in less stimulation for men, but since they are required to prevent the transmission of sexual transmitted infection, and as a form of birth control, their use generally isn't optional. You might consider trying the female condom, if you can locate them.
http://www.undercovercondoms.com/Condoms/Reality/87/Female-Condom.html
Question: Well I am 13 years old. I have been masturbating since like forever. Well, I have always been curious, is it okay to masturbate when your on your period? And after I'm masturbating is it okay if my vulva area is tingly or itchy kinda. What can I do to help it? Thank you. Oh, and I really love your site. It made me feel good about my body and accept myself. I am one of those big lipped (meaty) girls. I always hated it and I used to be scared about it for when I have my first sexual experience with a man that they won't like it, but now I have read your site and now I just don't care because I know that If he really likes me for me then he won't care, he'll think it's beautiful. :]
Answer: Please see the information linked to below, for the answer to your first question.
The sensations you experience after masturbating indicates the nerve endings in the area have been or are being irritated. Your masturbation technique or the evaporation and drying of your normal body fluids could be irritating your vulva. Use a lubricant while masturbating and rinse your vulva with plain water afterwards, possibly keeping a damp wash cloth next to where you masturbate. If the irritation starts to occur at other times then you may have developed an infection and need to consult a doctor.
Here is information on appropriate lubricants:
Proper care of your vulva is addressed in the following article:
Symptoms of common infections are addressed in the following article:
I hope this information is of help.
Question: When we were dating, my wife and I had great sex. Now she's frigid! There's been no kids so that excuse is out. I still love her and tell her so daily.
Answer: There are numerous possible reasons, and only she truly knows why. You need to discuss this with her, possibly starting a dialog by email, if you cannot discuss this face to face. You have to consider and be concerned with how she will benefit from sex, rather than just yourself.
Basically, she is not motivated to engage in sex, because she no longer desires too or there are no rewards when she does. While you were having great sex, there is a good chance she was faking her pleasure. Depression, prescription birth control, and other medications may suppress her desire and ability to experience orgasm. There is also the chance that you have both changed with time and she has fallen out of love.
Question: I am 21 and EVERYTIME I'm about to orgasm, whether or not its with my partner, I fart. I know its normal, but its literally every time, and I've found myself holding back because I've done it before, and it was quite embarrassing. Is there a way to avoid it from happening every single time??
Answer: You indicate you release gas prior to orgasm, so the cause isn't the involuntary muscle contractions associated with orgasm. Perhaps you are contracting your stomach muscle in an attempt at preventing the release of gas but end up pushing it out instead. You may have inadvertently developed a habit of releasing gas when you actually were trying to prevent it. You might try relaxing more and placing a hand on your abdomen to monitor your stomach muscles to ensure they remain relaxed prior to orgasm. Keep your brain focused on some form of erotica rather than what your body is doing and experiencing.
It is unwise to develop a habit of suppressing orgasm, as you could learn to be unable to experience orgasm. When alone, masturbate under the covers so you can't smell the released gas or masturbate in the bathroom, leaving after you experience orgasm. You need to discuss this situation with your partner, as you are likely disturbed more by it than they are. During partnered sex you either need to accept the fact that you may fart, or not engage in activities that stimulate you to the point of orgasm, so you aren't required to suppress them, which doesn't sound like fun, but is necessary to prevent you from being unable to experience orgasm.
The article linked to below says there are ways to reduce the amount of gas your body produced, but they either aren't very effective or beneficial.
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20071228/flatulence_expert_071228/
The articles linked to below address diets that may reduce flatulence.
http://www.gicare.com/pated/edtgs12.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence
Question: I have been sexually active for the past 4 months. And prior to that, I masturbated and my boyfriend would finger me. I had no problem getting wet and staying wet that whole time. Suddenly, the last few times we've had sex, I've been able to get wet, but then I "lose" it half way through. We have plenty of foreplay, but we do change positions a lot. I've noticed in all of the 4 months, though, that I "lose" the wetness if I get on top, every time and it feels very friction-y and a little burn-y. I was just wondering if there is anything other than extending foreplay and using lube that you could suggest. It's really starting to bother me. Thanks
Answer: Other women report their level of sexual arousal decreases during vaginal intercourse if there isn't added clitoral stimulation provided. While the results aren't scientific, a survey on the website indicates the frequency of orgasm during intercourse without added clitoral stimulation is around 30%, but 60% with.
Now that the newness of engaging in intercourse has dissipated there is greater need for additional physical stimulation. This usually involves you or your partner stimulating your clitoris with your hand or a vibrator. While it is beneficial to experiment, if you are to increase your level of arousal and experience orgasm you likely need consistent and sustained stimulation, which can't happen if you keep changing sexual positions or activities. Feel free to experiment, but if you desire an orgasm, then switch to an activity that will allow you to experience one, even if this means masturbating to orgasm while your partner watches. Don't try too hard to have orgasms during vaginal intercourse, as that takes the fun out of sex.
If the sensations you experience during intercourse are similar to those your experience when you need to urinate then this a common experience. This is a subject addressed in the article linked to below.
The position of your bodies may be partly to blame, and if your pelvic muscles are overly tight, as a result of being inexperienced. You might face in the opposite direction, using Backwards Cowgirl position. Other positions are shown in the guide linked to below:
The appropriate lubricant will depend on whether you are using a condom, and if you are more susceptible to yeast infections if you use a lubricant with glycerin, a form of sugar. Please see the information linked to below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_lubricant
Question: I am 14 years old and the other day whilst masturbating I had my first orgasm. I felt it but it wasn't very strong. Is there any way I could make it stronger.
Answer: Congratulations on learning how to experience orgasm. :)
Your question is addressed in the following Q&As. The average female orgasm is about 6 - 10 seconds in length, much shorter than the media often leads us to believe.
While you already know how to experience orgasm, the articles linked to below will help you understand your body better, and as a result increase your level of sexual pleasure.
Question: If you masturbate frequently and use a vibrator, how fragile can the clitoral area and surroundings be? I have noticed that if I over do it, I end up with blisters in the area where I used the vibrator.
I don't have an STD and when I look this stuff up, that is all I run into. It only happens when I over do it. It's as if the vibrator is too strong (it's actually a massager). Is this something to be worried about? Do other women experience this? I never hear anything about it.
No one likes to end up with a blister from doing this, but I know that other parts of the body can blister from excessive friction and I would think that the clitoris would be even more sensitive.
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
I have not heard of other women experiencing blistering while using a vibrator. Blisters are most often caused by friction or heat, as mentioned in the article linked to below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blister
You don't mention how long you use the vibrator for prior to experiencing the blisters. If you are using it for a unusually long period of time this could indicate your sexual responses are impaired, or the vibrator isn't actually all the powerful. Have you compared it other vibrators? The Hitachi Magic Wand is a powerful vibrator that has a large head, which will spread the vibrations over a large area.
The information linked to below should help you determine if your sexual responses are impaired.
To prevent blisters with your current vibrator use it over your underwear or a folded towel or the like. Make sure the vibrator isn't getting hot during use, if it is, get a better one or use it for shorter periods of time.
Question: I have a couple questions today. For one, I've noticed something lately about my orgasms that is confusing me. Normally I am able to climax without much difficulty, whether by myself or with a partner. But it seems that every once in a while I will be on the edge of a huge orgasm and no matter what I do, I simply can't bring myself over the edge. It is awful to deal with and I normally just have to give up and lay down for a while until my arousal goes away completely. The feeling I get, when this happens, is that my clitoris is too sensitive for the stimulation despite how "close" I am. I've only had one powerful orgasm to speak of, so I wonder if perhaps this is what happens when I am about to have a strong one. Either way, have you heard of this, and do you have any advice?
My second question is not particularly a problem but an interesting thing that seems to happen when I do reach orgasm. My boyfriend likes to be inside me when it happens, but something strange occurs -- the contractions are so strong that they actually force him out. Neither of us are bothered by this, but is it something that's normal?
Answer: In the archived survey about Female Sexual Arousal 72% of women say they feel sexually frustrated if they experience a high level of sexual arousal when orgasm doesn't occur. The archived survey on female masturbation indicates only 37% of women experience orgasm every time they masturbate. From this information we can conclude that others share your experience.
While it may be a common experience I don't believe we know why, and there are likely numerous reasons. It could be for physiological or psychological reasons, or a combination. I would suspect your body may have reached its physical limits, it just doesn't have it within itself the ability to produce orgasm, or a mental barrier develops, perhaps as a result of a lack of sexual focus; you become too aware of your physical world rather than thinking about sex and/or pleasure. You may also relying too much on physical stimulation, not realizing your brain needs to be stimulated too.
I know you are relative beginner when it comes to orgasm so you may simply need time to understand your body better, or to develop more proficient methods of experiencing orgasm. You may also be like a child locked away in a candy store and overdoing things a bit, and experiencing the repercussions of doing so. Don't allow the manner in which female sexual pleasure and orgasm are presented in the media lead you to believe this is the common experience of women, because it isn't.
From some of your prior comments I gather you are trying to have an orgasm relatively quickly. I recommend slowing things down a bit. Use a vibrator over your street cloths or a folded towel to delay orgasm, to allow more sexual energy to develop. Have your partner tease you rather than bring you directly to orgasm.
I have had sexual intercourse with a couple women whose vagina would push my penis out when they experienced orgasm so I can only conclude this too is a normal experience, if a woman has strong pelvic muscles.
Question: You do have a very empowering and extensive section on body image. And I'm not exactly sure how to phrase my question... so I'll just wing it.
When I was young (maybe 13 or 14) I noticed lumps developing in my breasts. They turned out to be fibroadenomas. They're not dangerous, but mine were the kind that were just gonna keep getting bigger. So I had to have them removed. Since I had developed early, the doctor assumed that I was finished growing, and he said the scarring would vanish within a year. Apparently I was done growing in height, but not in breast size. It's now almost a decade later, and I still have noticeable scars (one on each breast). I believe that my still growing figure might be what contributed to that... maybe stretching the tissue made it harder to heal?... But I'm not sure that's a fact.
Anyway, I guess the question wasn't necessarily just for me personally, but for women who may have had a similar experience. I guess I was wondering if you had any plans to add sections on the topic of biopsies, growths, and/or scarring... or maybe just comments about it.
I was extremely insecure about my scars for a long time... and I still am to an extent. Luckily, I have a very supportive and loving boyfriend who never cared in the least about them. It may seem silly, but I feel sometimes like I'll never be able to just enjoy the freedom of a European nude beach... or even wear certain kinds of bathing suit tops at our local beach because the scars might stick out. Those kinds of things are relatively unimportant, but they can still greatly affect a person's self image. I've told people about them, but I've never actually met anyone else who had fibroadenomas... or had even heard of them! I was in theatre in high school and college, and backstage you do sometimes have to fully change in front of people... and it was embarrassing to have to explain to people that they weren't scars from cancer or some kind of botched boob job.
ALSO, I have a couple small dark lumps on the surface of my breast skin caused by ingrown hairs (I think?). I don't remember what that's called, but apparently the tiny hairs anywhere on the body can sometimes get ingrown and then harden over. I haven't read much about it, but I think it might be partly hormone-related. I also have one on my pubic mound.
I sometimes find my breasts unappealing due to all that possibly permanent scarring and discoloration. My boyfriend says I'm exaggerating... and I might be... People do tend to magnify their own flaws... or "flaws." :)
So yeah... I was just wondering if you'd be addressing these types of issues later on in your site updates. I have a feeling I'm not the only one who could use answers and support on this kind of stuff.
Answer: To help keep the appearance of your breasts in perspective you might view photographs of women who have undergone mastectomies, the removal of their breast to treat cancer. It takes an enormous amount of courage on the part of these women to reveal their body to the public, as the public does have an unrealistic expectation of how the female body should and does look. Here is a link to images of women following mastectomies.
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=mastectomy%20scars
The following link is to photographer's website that features photographs of women's breasts in public settings within NYC, and from them you can see women frequently don't have breasts that meet the expectation society has of them, especially the mature women.
http://www.jordanmatter.com/exhibits/default.asp?name=nudes
An article about fibroadenomas says 10% of all women experience them, and 20% of black women experience them. So 1 out of 10 women has them, and 1 out of 5 black women has them. So they are relatively common, just not spoken about. Here is a link to additional information on fibroadenomas.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=fibroadenomas
It is my understanding that the manner is which your body repairs itself is for the most part controlled by genetics and heredity. The doctor's comment was meant to reassure you, to reduce your anxiety, but in fact was misleading. The appearance of the scars on your breasts likely have the same appearance as scars elsewhere on your body, scars resulting from deep cuts or incisions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scar
I don't believe the dark lumps are the result of ingrown hairs, as they would tend to increase in size over time, as the hair continued to grow and the associated sebaceous gland continued to produce sebum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_follicle
The article linked to below lists 146 possible causes for skin bumps. It would likely be easier to ask a doctor or nurse what these bumps are caused by, but the article may help you determine the cause.
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/skin_bumps.htm
Question: I found your website recently and find it very informative and useful. I am 42 and have been married for about 10 years now.
Before I met the man I am now married to, I had a boyfriend who was some five years younger than me but who had a very big penis. Every time we made love, I could feel a very beautiful feeling inside my vagina. My husband is not well endowed but our sex life is not too bad. Sometimes I long for that beautiful feeling inside my vagina but cannot get it from my husband. I fantasize a lot about my former well-endowed boyfriend when I masturbate but the feeling I get from clitoral stimulation is different from that feeling he used to give me.
Why is it that I cannot get that beautiful feeling from my husband? Is it because his penis isn't as big as my former boyfriend's? Is there anything he or I can do in order for me to get that beautiful feeling inside my vagina?
Answer: Rear entry positions, and sometimes when the woman is on top, allow for deeper penetration, which may provide increased cervical and/or g-spot stimulation, is that is what you are missing.
Having your partner stimulate your vagina with multiple fingers, or possibly their entire hand, may provide a greater feeling of fullness.
You can also get a dildo of the appropriate size. Dildos made of silicone, Pyrex glass, or stainless steel are of a better quality and don't absorb body fluids like the less expensive types. You can choose one with a pronounced glans or ball end if you desire g-spot stimulation. Choose a diameter and length that meets your needs.
They sell penis extensions, but I don't know how well they work. I would recommend buying a good quality harness designed for men and a dildo of appropriate size before that. You can having penile/vaginal intercourse if he desires, then use the harness and dildo to fulfill your needs; during the same sexual episode or different days depending on your mutual needs.
You options depend on how self-confident your husband is in general, and whether he is insecure about the size of his penis. One would hope he is primarily concerned with fulfilling your needs, as long as his are also being met, not necessarily at the same time.
If he is insecure, uneducated about female sexuality, or believes the sexual act should revolve around him your options are kind of limited. If he could use with some sexual knowledge your might refer him to appropriate articles on my website.