Question: I am a virgin when it come to vaginal penetration, and my girlfriend wants to use a dildo in a harness, so does that mean she is taking my virginity or is it only taken when a male does so? She is also smaller than me by like 3 inches so can you enrich me with some great positions for us to engage in while she goes about taking my virginity, I know me being on top would be ideal for me but I'm a little bigger than her??
Answer: The subject of virginity is addressed at the beginning of the article linked to below. Basically, people have different definitions of virginity and what constitutes "sex," but many consider "sex" to be penile/vaginal intercourse involving a man and woman. You are a "virgin" when it comes to doing anything your haven't done before, and when you do something with a new partner for the first time.
A Guide to the First Experience of Vaginal Intercourse
Concerning the subject of finding an appropriate position you might do a series of dry runs to determine which one works the best. That is, get into position and see if you have the necessary comfort and freedom of movement without actual penetration. You can try outercourse, rubbing your vulva against her dildo, rather than penetration.
Being on top is perhaps the best, as you are supporting your own weight, can guide her in, can stimulate yourself with your hands or a vibrator if desired, and can look into each other's eyes. If her pelvis is too low for this, then place a pillow or two under her bottom to raise it up. You can also try laying on your back on top of a table, counter top, or bed that puts your vulva at the appropriate height when she is either standing or kneeling. She will then need to support your legs with her arms and you would need to guide her in. You can place your hips on pillows if they are a little too low. You can also try sitting in a chair, you over her, or her kneeling on the floor before you.In the guide to sexual positions linked to below those with a code of "O" under advantages and disadvantages are reported to be good for new couples; the last position on this page and then more on the following pages.
Positions for Sexual Intercourse: Page Two
Question: Is there different types and strengths to orgasm? Do all orgasms feel the same?
Why do I have a completely different (better) orgasm alone than with my husband. Why can I only have that tickly, oh so good, I can't stand it anymore, all over my body, now I am done, orgasm in the shower, alone? It feels great when I am having sex with my husband, and some times I feel I build up, but it never reaches that intense level, then it goes away. Does that mean I had a small orgasm, or none at all. Is there any way to get that tickly orgasm with sex with my husband, or is that doomed to be an all alone experience?
I love your website. It has made me feel better about my pussy than I have in years. When I found a picture of one that looked like mine, I was delighted. It was pretty, and I felt my shame drift away. I also thought that my urethra was supposed to be where my clit is and vice versa so was always ashamed of where I liked to touch. I feel so much better knowing where things are and that what I like is normal. I thank you so much for this site it has done wonders for my self image!!!
Answer: I am very pleased to hear my website has helped you feel better about your body. :)
The types of orgasms, and their length, that women experience while masturbating are addressed in the survey results linked to below:
http://www.misterpoll.com/results.mpl?id=3718878344
In the survey about sexual satisfaction, linked to below, women give a slightly higher score to the physical pleasure they experience during masturbation than during partnered sex. I have also heard it is not unusual for women to experience their most intense orgasms during masturbation. The likely reasons are they are providing the ideal physical and mental stimulation without any distractions. When you are alone you aren't worried about what the other person is thinking, and the dynamics of a relationship do not come into play, unless you happen to have dual personalities. You may be fearful of surrendering total control during partnered sex so do not allow those intense orgasms to occur. It is much easier to surrender control in a safe place like a shower when you are alone than during partnered sex.
Female Sexual Satisfaction Survey Results
There are different types of physical sexual pleasure. I have had partners experience intense pleasure without experiencing orgasm, especially during internal vaginal and cervical stimulation.
You might try inviting your husband into the shower with you so he can share your intense orgasms. Tell him you have a surprise for him, but he must watch quietly without touching, etc. If you can experience those intense orgasm with him present then you can work on teaching him how to provide the necessary stimulation, which may require the use of a vibrator or him holding the shower-head.
You might require some mental stimulation during partnered sex, which means watching an erotic or adult video, reading erotica that arouses you and your partner, or talking dirty to them. The idea being to focus your brain on sex and not what your partner is doing or expects from you, etc.
Here are some links to information on talking dirty to your lover:
http://sexuality.about.com/od/talkingwithpartners/ht/dirtytalk.htm
http://www.sexinfo101.com/as_talkingdirty102.shtml
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12410091/
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,b3xmb8ph,00.html
Question: I'm kind of of embarrassed to ask this question, but I'd really like to know, and I can't find any sites that can help me out. I thought that maybe you can be of some help.
Today I was told that I have thrush..and the doctor was asking me if I've had any yeast infections lately. I told him I don't know, I may have.. He said that I could of gotten it from my retainers because I don't clean them on a regular basis, but then I was reading on WEBMD that you can get them from oral sex... So, I masturbate and sometimes I lick it off after I'm done... Is that a bad thing to do?? I didn't think it was because it's my fluids.
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
I don't have a definitive answer to your question. Vaginal yeast infections are not uncommon and I am sure many or most of the women who experience them do not ingest their vaginal fluids after masturbating. It seems possible you could transfer the yeast from your mouth to your vulva/vagina and visa versa, depending on where your fingers start and end. Yeast is a fungus that can live in any warm moist area of the body. It is also possible to have a yeast infection that affects the entire body.
I recommend women monitor their vulvar/vaginal scent and taste so they can be aware of their state of health. I am not aware of any significant risks associated with this activity. Obviously there is no greater risk associated with tasting your own vaginal fluids than with your partner performing cunnilingus on you, and then kissing you on the mouth afterwards. If you like and are comfortable with your own scent and taste then you will feel more comfortable with your partner orally stimulating your vulva.The following web sites address this subject:
http://www.dentalplans.com/articles/Sex%20And%20Yeast%20Infections/
http://www.modernherbalist.com/yeast.html
http://sexuality.about.com/od/saferse1/a/safer_oral_sex.htm
Question: Do you think that someone who is emotionally and sexually attracted to the same sex but only emotionally attracted to the opposite could still be "bisexual" or could they be lesbian? Meaning that as a 34 year old woman, I am attracted to men but find that men do not turn me on physically. I enjoy physical sex with men in fact more so than with women but I hardly ever have sex with my male partner because I am rarely turned on. I would rather masturbate to lesbian porn. I don't think I'm sexually attracted to men
Answer: I don't like the idea of labels, as your attractions and responses could change tomorrow depending on what your emotional and sexual needs become and who is available to fulfill them.
Many women who identify as heterosexual prefer girl/girl porn so in of itself this means nothing. I also believe women are conditioned by society to find the female body more attractive than the male body. We are taught to worship the female form. This obviously results in many confused teens and women, as society basically says they should only be attracted to men.
Some women engage in sex with other women even though they are uncomfortable with the idea of girl/girl sex and actually want to prove to themselves that they will not enjoy it and therefore cannot be a lesbian. They are afraid of being a lesbian. You have to consider this when looking at the fact that you enjoy sex with men more than with women. Are you less comfortable with women than men during sex? Are you comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian? Could you tell your friends and family that you are bisexual and possibly a lesbian? How comfortable are you with your own body and that of other women? How do you feel about your vulva and that of other women? Are you more comfortable with performing fellatio or cunnilingus, or are you equally comfortable with both? Is the "idea" of girl/girl sex more desirable onlybecause it is taboo? Once in bed with a woman does your level of sexual desire increase, as your level of sexual arousal increases? Or does aesthetic attraction and fantasy put your in a sexual situation that you truly do not belong? Are you sexually attracted to the women you have sex with, or only find them attractive in a non-sexual context? Do you find women cute or sexy, i.e. aesthetically attractive or sexually desirable? If the female persona in fantasy plays a role in your sexuality but not physical sex with women does that mean you are heterosexual, but not bisexual?
It is now acknowledged that many women do not experience innate or primary sexual desire that motivates them to engage in sex. Instead other motives, like emotional needs, motivate them to have sex, which results in sexual arousal that causes sexual desire. If you are more comfortable with male partners or they have greater skill then sex with them will be more enjoyable, even if you are not sexually attracted to them. You have to consider why there is a lack motivates to engage in sex with men. Is there at least a desire to be found attractive, for physical intimacy, or to make your partner happy? Why do you prefer to masturbate? Is there emotional discord, is it easier to have an orgasm alone, are you simply tired, or being lazy?
Pheromones and the like may also play a role in your enjoyment of sex with men but not women, or visa versa. There is a chance the responses are hardwired.
In long term relationships the sexual aspect tends to become less exciting unless you make an effort to keep it interesting. The same old thing probably wont be overly exciting day after day or year after year. You have to look at the beginning of the relationship and consider whether there was physical attraction, sexual attraction, and sexual desire that has gone away.
Many women choose male partner's based on aesthetic attraction rather than sexual attraction. They like the way the guy looks rather than experiencing a physical sexual attraction to them. Are you choosing the wrong male partners? Have you ever chosen a man because they made your clit throb, or only because he looked nice or because you believe you should find him attractive? Have you ever chosen a female partner because she made your clitoris throb?
You are unlikely to find a black and white answer to your questions, as the results of your experiences are not black and white. While we treat sexual orientation as a tangible and separate entity it is closely linked with other aspects of our relationships, especially the psychological or emotional. It seems you perhaps benefit in some way from your relationships with both men and women. It is perhaps unrealstic to expect your relationships with men and women to be equal or that they each fulfill the same needs. Men and women are different so one shouldn't we expect male/female and female/female relationships to be different?
The challenge may be to communicating your wants, needs, and experiences to your partners in a way that does not offend them. We are all basically pretty insecure so being told "I find your physically and sexually desirable but don't enjoy sex with you as much as with men." or "I really enjoy sex with you but don't find myself motivated to have sex with you so you need to initiate sex when you desire it," will not go over well with most people. You have to decide whether to explain yourself as best as possible, or simply accept yourself as you are and not say anything, as long as you and your partners are happy. You must always remain true to yourself though.
Question: I have been masturbating since I was three and a half...and ever since...everytime I masturbate I can cum..as fast as I want or as slow as I want. When I masturbate I lay on my stomach and hump my right hand. I think about sex all the time..and I couldn't wait till I finally had sex.
But lucky me, I can never come when I have partnered sex! It's horrible...when he is on top...I love the feeling, but it doesn't bring me to orgasm..when I'm on top...I love the feeling, but it doesn't bring me to orgasm..When we do doggy...I love the feeling, but it doesn't bring me to orgasm..I don't know what to do. I tried masturbating while doing doggy, it just didn't work. I hate everything because I can't cum! Its so horrible...My boyfriend I fear might want to find someone else because I can never cum and he feels he isn't pleasuring me..and he feels bad..and thinks its his fault...but trust me..he knows his way around sex. He can control his penis and he has cum eight times in three hours. He's amazing and I just want to cum. I need to cum...but there's nothing that I know that will help me...When he goes down on me...I can't cum, when he fingers me...I can't cum...when I finger myself I can't even cum...Its all about me rubbing and laying on my stomach. With my first boyfriend I couldn't cum as well, and HE thought he also wasn't pleasuring me.... he stuck around but I let him go..because I just didn't want to see him..'die inside' after every time I wouldn't cum...he was sad about the break up...but he has moved on..I'm scared, what if I can never cum? As wet as I get, when I have sex...I just can't cum. I need your help.
Does anyone masturbate like me and have the exact problem and know a solution?
Dildos and toys don't work for me either. I'm really scared! And eager to cum for my boyfriend..I just want to finally be able to tell him I'm cumming. I want to be happy with myself.
Answer: Several women who masturbate by laying on their stomach have written to mention they cannot experience orgasm during other types of sexual stimulation. Please see the Q&A linked to below:
Partnered sex should be fun and enjoyable but you and your partners have made is so it isn't because you are placing too much emphasis on experiencing orgasm. Many women have never experienced orgasm and others can only masturbate to orgasm. There is nothing wrong with them or you, and as long as you believe there is you will be sabotaging your sex life. There is more to partnered sex than orgasm. You and your current and former boyfriend should read the article linked to below:
You must learn to enjoy partnered sex without worrying about orgasm, if you are to enjoy it and possibly experience orgasm. Right now, knowing you can't experience orgasm is a possible barrier to orgasm. Have partnered sex because it feels good. If you feel a need to experience orgasm then masturbate as you do now, possibly with your partner present.
This is probably not the answer you were hoping for but it is the only one I have to offer.
Please see the article about Outercourse for additional information on this subject.
Question: It has been over six months since I stopped breastfeeding my daughter. She nursed for about 10 months. Before I liked my breasts fondled and sucked before sex, now my husband has to massage my clitoris first. It feels like an big electric shock on my nipples when they are touched if I am not aroused first. I really miss my breasts fondling at the beginning of sex. It was such a wonderful time. Will this go away or is there something I can do? Thanks for your help.
Answer: I don't know if there have been or is the possibility of physical and hormonal changes to your body that would explain your experience. There have been changes, but whether they are permanent and/or would explain your experience I cannot say.
Sexual arousal decreases our sensitivity to pain, and that may explain why you need clitoral stimulation prior to nipple stimulation. Your nipples may now be more sensitive and you need to be sexually aroused and less sensitive to stimulation to enjoy having them stimulated.
Your brain may be programmed to handle nipple stimulation in the context of nursing rather than sexual stimulation. That is, nursing may not have been a kind and gentle experience. Your brain may have adapted to the experience of nursing and the associated sensations, and degree of stimulation.
Try having your husband stimulate your nipples when you are wearing a light weight bra or t-shirt, so as to decrease the amount of stimulation you experience in the beginning. As your level of arousal increases he may then be able to stimulate your nipples directly. You may need for him to be less gentle, and actual "nurse" rather than do what he has always done in the past. Try using lubrication on your nipples, and using different types of fabric to create different types of friction.
I would recommend frequently stimulating your nipples when you masturbate, shower, etc. Apply some cream or lotion to your nipples and breasts a couple times a day to recondition them to erotic or sensual touch..
You may have learned to tune out the "sexual" sensations that many women experience while breastfeeding, if you saw these sensations as inappropriate, and now you don't respond to nipple stimulation in a sexual way as a result. You may need to reconnect with your sexual rather than maternal nipples and breasts.
Question: Hey, I love the website you guys designed it's really neat. Any ways I was looking for you help. Well I have never eaten a girl out before. I was wondering if you can explain to me how I would go about doing this. With details. Like do I like lick around the vagina opening and the clitoris? Or do I actually put my tongue into the vaginal opening? If you can reply to my questions I would be very grateful thank you so much.
Answer: Please see the web sites linked to below:
http://www.tinynibbles.com/
http://www.sexinfo101.com/pw_cunnilingus.shtml
http://www.sexhealth.org/bettersex/cunnilingus.shtmlAnd also these two articles on this website:
Question: Hi.. I want to know that if my vulva is normal because I am really worried about the color and shape of it...I want you to look at it and let me know if its normal plzzzzzzzz!! My body color differs from my vulvar color and for this reason I don't want my boyfriend to see it :( Please tell me what to do and do reply! In fact I don't like it myself just because of the color...I am really worried about this thing only..and your site is really very informative! Thanx
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
There is nothing that is obviously abnormal about your vulva. You can see many photographs of the vulva on the pages linked to below:
Photos of the Vulva
The coloration you are concerned about could be related to your weight and is caused by friction in a warm moist area. I have seen several photographs of women who are heavy set who have dark skin in the area of their inner thighs. Reducing the friction and keeping the area dry may reduce the discoloration. Girls discuss this in the forum linked to below:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061222205827AAk03FC
There is a chance this discoloration could indicate a medical condition that needs to be brought to the attention of a doctor. An infection may cause a skin discoloration in this area too. If a doctor has seen this discoloration and said nothing about it then it is probably not a reason for concern. If a doctor has not seen it then you may want to bring it to their attention. Please see the Q&A linked to below:
QA_1.htm#1
If there is no medical problems to be concerned with then your boyfriend should feel lucky and privileged to see your vulva.
Question: Is it normal to be able to ejaculate without orgasm or masturbation? I find that when I think about sex a lot, I have this intense desire to pee. And this thick white, sweet smelling fluid comes from my urethra. But I'm not even touching myself or anything! The scent can be pretty intense. Even when I'm wearing clothing. So I get kind of self conscious, hoping nobody else can smell it.
Another problem I have is my aching vagina. Whenever I get aroused and get use to vaginal stimulation, my vagina will start to ache. It's not pain pain. More like some sort of vaginal temper tantrum when it can't get what it wants. Obviously I can't rip a dildo out of my purse and do the deed in public. So I end up spending most of the day with an Aching vagina...Annoying.
Answer: Some women do experience female ejaculation during sexual arousal. I believe I make mention of this in the article linked to below, and in one of the surveys I ask how many women have experienced this; the one about arousal or masturbation. The strong scent is also mentioned. Unfortunately, we are often overly concerned about body odors in Western society. I would ignore it rather than trying to mask it with a lot of perfume, as most people don't like smelling a woman's perfume when she is ten feet away. Your partner may like to know they can tell by your scent that you are sexually aroused.
Female Ejaculation
The vaginal ache you mention is normal and I believe 70% of women experience this; a survey on the website also asks this question. It is the result of the inner vagina ballooning outward to make room for the erect penis and ejaculate. Your vagina is basically saying, "Fill me up."
I am sure this ache would be distracting if it doesn't go away quickly when it isn't desired. I don't know how many other women experience this, but 48% of women report they experience some degree of physical discomfort if they do not experience orgasm after becoming highly aroused, so you probably aren't alone. You might explore using Kegel exercises to gain control over your voluntary pelvic muscles to see if they are the cause rather than your vagina. The muscles of your vagina are involuntary so you cannot control them, or will the muscular tension away; only orgasm can do that.
They make a type of sex toy that consists of two plastic, rubber, or stainless steel balls on a string that can be inserted into the vagina for vaginal stimulation. The balls are usually about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. You might try inserting one of these into your vagina in the morning before getting dressed so your vagina has something to grasp when you become aroused, and so you can grasp something with your pelvic muscles while doing Kegel's. This may help alleviate the ache. You can make your own by buying the appropriate type balls and nylon cord.
Some women learn how to masturbate secretly in public by crossing their legs and squeezing their pelvic and thigh muscles. This may be a necessity for you. You can read about this in the masturbation section of the website. While not the ideal environment you can also masturbate to orgasm in a public bathroom or out in your car.
Question: I have been told by a piercer that my hood is virtually nonexistent and cannot be pierced. It is about the same size as my clitoris. I wanted to get it pierced because I have severe difficulty having an orgasm during vaginal intercourse and I thought it would help.
Because of this small hood, my clitoris is too sensitive to be touched. On the other hand, I have no problem having an orgasm during anal intercourse. My question is, is there a piercing or technique to help me achieve an orgasm more often? I have only had 3 in the past 2 and 1/2 years with my partner and never had an orgasm before him.
Answer: As indicated in the article linked to below, the majority of women do no experience orgasm on a regular basis during vaginal intercourse, if at all.
Vaginal Orgasm
You may experience orgasm during anal intercourse because your partner's penis is stimulating your G-Spot. I know some women enjoy anal intercourse more than vaginal intercourse, as it is simply more pleasurable for them. There is greater chance for G-Spot stimulation during vaginal intercourse if you are on top controlling things or he enters you from behind. You can read about the G-Spot in the following article.
Female Ejaculation
The only piercing that I know of may enhance your pleasure during intercourse would be a triangle piercing, as it is located under the shaft of the clitoris. With larger gauges and diameter rings they may move about and stimulate your clitoris. Many women don't have the appropriate anatomy for this type of piercing.
For more information on piercing please see the website linked to below.
http://www.bmezine.com/The majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation if they are to experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse. This is best provided by her hands or a vibrator.
