Question: Hello, I am 21 years old and I have a question to ask. I always love to visit your website. But this morning, when I went to the orgasm section of the site, I couldn't find any clips or videos. I remembered seeing one the last time. It was a short clip showing a woman masturbating to orgasm. Can you provide me with the link again..? Thank you! (:
Answer: Here is a link to the website that was providing the mentioned video clip that is no longer on this website.
You must be at least 18 years of age to visit the website.
http://www.the-female-orgasm.com/freesamples.html
Question: I read the post about the variety of sizes and colors of the inner labia and was comforted (I have a lot of anxiety regarding my body). My left inner labia is much larger than the right and it is darker as well. Hearing that it is normal is nice but is it also normal to feel discomfort? The larger one is more sensitive and is often irritated by tight clothes (I am a dancer so often there is no way to avoid tight clothes rubbing). It is also sometimes painful when my boyfriend touches that part of me during foreplay and sex. When he touched me it feels really good, but I don't know how to explain how one inner labia feels great while the other one is in pain. Is there a way to still enjoy foreplay without it hurting?
Answer: I don't know that the irritation is a common experience but others have reported the same. The problem isn't your labia but rather the tight clothing and friction.
When you are not dancing be sure to wear loose fitting clothing. Dresses and skirts are the best. Wear no underwear or something like men's boxers or tap pants. Because of the irritation associated with the clothing you wear while dancing you may have to be more mindful of what you wear when you aren't, you need to balance things out. At night, sleep nude or at least bare bottomed. This is all mentioned on the page about hygiene linked to below:
hygiene.htmApply a very light coat of mineral oil, vitamin E oil, or the like to your inner labia and clitoris in the morning before dressing and right before and after you dance to act as a lubricant. Keep a tiny bottle in your purse or pocket. You want to reduce the amount of friction. Some women say they do this daily and it helps. When you are done dancing, shower and change into dry airy clothing as soon as possible. Damp clothing will cause irritation and increase the chances of infection. You will probably want to apply the lubricant at bedtime too.
During dance practice do you have to wear tight fitting clothing or are you simply doing what everyone else is doing? You might speak to the dance coach to see if other attire is appropriate. I would guess that during practice shorts would be appropriate. If the other dancers are girls you should be able to be honest about why you need to wear something different, and others likely experience some irritation too.
When you have to wear the tight dance uniform try sewing a patch of silk or other super soft and silky fabric to the area in contact with your vulva. You want everything in contact with your vulva super soft and slippery. Rub the lips of your mouth across the fabric to see how soft and slippery it is. Lubricate your fingers with the oil you lubricate your vulva with and do the same test. Cotton may allow the most air and moisture to pass through but may not be as soft as other fabrics. Normally you want to wear cotton undergarments, but while dancing you may have to use something even softer.
You might try wearing a sanitary napkin, it may provide some padding. A panty liner wont provide any padding but something between that and a maxi may do the trick. There are even cotton reusable pads available online that may be softer than disposable store bought pads, which can actually cause irritation. Some brands, like Always, are reported to cause more irritation than others. While a small bulge may be obvious to you, it is unlikely anyone several feet will notice, and if they do, so what. Despite what many women believe, their is suppose to be a bulge down there anyway caused by the shape and prominence of your pubic mound. You may have to sew the pad in place, hence the benefit of the reusable cotton ones, to ensure it stays in place and doesn't bunch up.
If you shave or trim your pubic area keep in mind there wont be that layer of hair to act as a buffer. I don't know that it provides much protection, but perhaps a little. But the hair could be a problem during sex. You have to try and see what works best for you.
The center seams on tights and pantyhose could be a major cause of irritation so try to find a suitable substitute, or cut out a section and sew in a cotton or silk panel.
With your boyfriend, simply tell him the truth; send him the same e-mail you sent me. Tell him how it is. Don't make it more complex than it is. You made things perfectly clear to me.
The same lubricants I recommend above likely need to be used during sex with him, and masturbation. Petroleum based products will cause condoms to fail, so use a water based lubricant when a condom will be used later. When you are with him show him your vulva and point out what areas feel good when they are touched and which hurt. "Okay to touch here, not here!" Don't allow him to grope around blindly. He will need easy access to your vulva, i.e. you need to be nude below the waist and your legs must be spread widely. He can't be slipping his fingers and hand into your jeans in the back seat of a car. It may be a little embarrassing at first but not nearly as bad as you may fear.
Question: Hi, I am 16 and had sex while I was on my period. I was using a condom and I am on birth control so I am not worrying about that to much. My question is... When I was in middle of having sex, I just started balling, just crying and I couldn't say a word.... That's never happened before, however I have only had sex while on my period one other time. My boyfriend and I had not had sex for a while before that due to busy schedules. I was just wondering if the reason I started crying was because my hormones were messed up because of my period or if there is another explanation.
Answer: I can only say that others have written in to ask about themselves or their partner crying uncontrollable during sex for unknown reasons. A lot of different hormones are involved in the sexual arousal process, and the menstrual cycle, so just about anything is possible. Some believe stimulation of the nerves associated with the internal reproductive organs, G-Spot, uterus, and cervix trigger emotional responses, which do not occur during clitoral stimulation. The state of your uterus during your period and the stimulation associated with intercourse and sex may be the cause of your crying, if this is true. You simply may have been having a bad or stressful day and vulnerability associated with sex resulted in an emotional release.
Sometimes things cannot be explained, they just happen. You and your partner need to know this applies to sex too.
Question: There are bumps around my labia and usually don't irritate me. They only get itchy around the time of my period. Do you know what they are?
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
I know during menstruation a woman can experience an outbreak or increase in acne on her face and body, as a result of the hormonal changes in her body. There are also numerous oil producing glands, called sebaceous glands, in the tissues of the labia and vulva. The hormonal changes associated with menstruation may cause these glands to produce more sebum resulting in their enlargement, and irritation of them and the surrounding tissue. If you use sanitary napkins they may increase the amount of irritation, and some brands of sanitary napkins are more likely to cause irritation. If this is a possible cause then try a different brand or switch to reusable cotton pads. Your clothing may increase the amount of irritation so wear loose fitting clothing like dresses and skirts. Wear loose fitting cotton underwear like boxers or tap pants, or simply go without. You don't want anything rubbing against your vulva at this time, or any other. At night sleep nude or at least bare bottomed, so air can circulate freely around your vulva. You can also apply a light coating of vitamin E oil, other natural oil, or the like to your labia and vulva to reduce the amount of friction. Do this in the morning and as needed during the day and evening.
Question: I've just recently found your site. I find it very educational and comforting. I have spent most of my life with a strange fear of sex and sexuality, which I believe has stemmed from all the confusion around the subject in our society. Your site makes that confusion go away, even if just for a while.
I have a problem. I have a fetish. Well, I'm not sure if that's the right use of the word, but I can't figure out what else it's called.
Basically I need a certain fantasy to get off. I know what you've written on your site about woman's fantasies being ok, but for me it's not a choice. It never has been for as long as I can remember. I NEED the fantasy to get off. For me the problem is two fold. I don't like that it's not a choice and I also don't like what I have to think about. I need to be looking at or thinking about severe domination and people suffering to get off. I am of two minds about how I feel about it to be honest. Part of me thinks it's sad, disgusting, confusing and cruel. And part of me loves it more than anything. I've spent many years of my life trying to figure out where these feelings came from. It's been the shame of my life and up to 2 weeks ago, I believed and swore that it would be something I would die with. But I've met someone who I've fallen madly in love with and one day I just realized I could tell him about it. He's been understanding and supportive, but as can be expected, he does not like it. He doesn't like the subject matter and doesn't like that I cannot get off just thinking about him, or us together. I feel the same way. I'd love to be able to get off while looking in his eyes and not while imagining someone being humiliated and beaten. I have no idea what to do about this and I felt that maybe you might have some insight about what might help.Answer: I am not a psychologist or the like so what I have to say is more my personal opinion than professional advise. I cannot explain the cause behind your experiences only reassure you that you are not alone in them. Even if we could explain the cause that doesn't mean we would know how to stop or prevent them.
Your concern is not unlike that of other women who have written me. Some were concerned because they were heterosexual yet were mostly or only aroused by thoughts of sex with women, or they were homosexual and aroused by sexual thoughts of men. Another woman was obsessed with the idea of having a penis even though this was very disturbing for her; her fascination was the result of the nature of the sexual abuse she was subjected to as a child.
The sexual images and thoughts you find arousing now are likely the result of the things you were exposed to and learned as a child. The same experiences and knowledge that resulted in your fear of sex may be the reason behind your current sexual fantasies. You would then have no control over or choice in the thoughts that sexually arouse you today. Your prior experiences are likely the cause rather than anything you did or had/have control over now. You are not a bad or defective person because you have thoughts that are "inappropriate" or considered socially unacceptable; they are only thought not actions.
The subjects and activities that are the most taboo often become the things that we desire the most, or find most arousing when they take on a sexual context. Our emotional response to a subject may intensify our sexual arousal rather than suppress it. Perhaps this is because the physical responses to fear and anger are much the same as those experienced during sexual arousal. Fear and anger can enhance sexual arousal rather than suppress it. This is why make up sex after an intense argument can be very intense.
A few months ago I attended a workshop that looked at people's sexual fantasies. The women leading the discussion related her experience of being highly aroused by a magazine article that was about the crimes committed against women during a civil war that took place in Europe a few years ago. Articles likely meant to educate, offend, and anger her aroused intense sexual feelings in her; even though on an intellectual level she would never approve of or participate in these activities. The topics of the other participant's sexual fantasies were incest, sex with children, animals, torture, death, etc. She was hardly alone in her "inappropriate" sexual fantasies. Often, sexual fantasies don't make any logical sense, they are pure fantasy and fiction. Your sexual fantasies are no less appropriate than those entertained by those whom you interact with on a daily basis, even those of your sexual partner.
I tend to doubt your partner's sexual thoughts and fantasies involve only you and he does not entertain the idea of sex with the women, and possibly the men, he interacts with on a daily basis. It is equally unlikely all his sexual thoughts are "appropriate." His expectations of you are likely based on the unrealistic expectations he has of women in general, as a result of what society has taught him. I doubt his prior partner's are different from you. They simply never felt willing or able to disclose their true sexual thoughts, as is the case with many if not most people.
The solution to your "fixation" is perhaps to explore your fantasies to their fullest rather than avoid or condemn them. If they are less forbidden perhaps they will be less enticing. If you accept them as normal for you perhaps they will have less of a hold over you. Then perhaps new subjects will take their place. Here is a link to an article in which this technique was used to help a woman who was experiencing sexual fantasies involving her young stepdaughter:
Bringing up Children Sexually by Lonnie Garfield Barbach PhMany explore the same fantasies in reality with consenting partners. Those who participate in dominance and submission (D&S) activities often share your fantasies and sexual interests. Perhaps you will find support and guidance if you join one of their discussion groups and possibly attend one of their meetings.
Question: I am 23 years old and almost six months pregnant. Since I got pregnant, I have not been able to orgasm with my husband. We used to have great sex. We would both orgasm pretty much every time but when I got pregnant that stopped immediately. Not knowing it, I started pleasuring myself about the time we conceived so for a long time we thought it might have something to do with that, but still weren't sure why I couldn't orgasm. Just recently after a night of making love, he told me that my clit hood is not retracting. He couldn't get my clit to come out even when he was performing oral on me. I was very aroused, so this was very puzzling - but it did explain a lot. If the hood isn't retracting, no wonder I can't orgasm with him. I need that stimulation and it can't happen if my clit is all covered up. I can still pleasure myself to orgasm, but it just isn't the same as doing it with my husband. I still have a lot of desire to be with him, but it's hard because I know it won't be the same and then he ends up thinking there is something wrong with him. So I guess my question is is this normal and is there anything we can do about it? I am hoping that once the baby comes, everything will go back to normal, but I would really like to get as much of it back now as we can.
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
I only know there are significant changes in the female body during pregnancy and that the vulva also undergoes changes at this time. Perhaps your clitoris has increased in size, because of the increased blood flow to the area. You are also more susceptible to yeast infections when pregnant, because of changes in your vaginal and vulvar pH. A yeast infection may affect the clitoris but not the vagina, because of the concealed spaces created by the hood. You may want to read about clitoral adhesions and yeast infections on the pages linked to below:
adhesio.htm
vaginitis.htm
I can only suggest that you examine your vulva closely and see if you can retract your clitoral hood, with and without added lubrication. You may need to hold the hood out of the way during oral sex. You can also masturbate during partnered sex, to take the pressure off your partner and to make it more enjoyable for you. If your growing belly is in the way then your husband may need to do the exploring in a non-sexual context.
Your husband and you may benefit from reading the page linked to below:
q_orgasm.htm
Question: Last night I had sex with my boyfriend of 2 years. We go for a pretty long time usually and he sometimes like to get really rough so last night I let him. However this morning I woke up with intense pain. This has happened to me once before and lasted for weeks. I don't know if I'm allergic to him or the condom or if its from him being rough but I get intense pains of burning or not being able to control my bladder even when there isn't that much urine in it. For some reason it just wont hold back. I don't have any STD's... I get checked every once in awhile just in case and I just don't understand what it could be from?
Do you have any ideas?Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
It sounds like a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). You should consult a doctor. It may go away on its own if given time, but the symptoms may be hard to live with.
The solution is to be more gentle, it isn't just about what he wants, and to use additional lubrication, especially during prolonged sessions.
Some women are more prone to infections than others, and some find urinating before and after intercourse decreases the frequency of infections.
Question: I have a hip condition, where I have two screws in my hip. I find it hurts when I'm on top, because it is hard to spread my legs, do you have any suggestions?
Answer: A factor to consider is your upper and lower body strength. There are a lot of different positions but many of them require you to support your own weight with your legs or arms.
The spooning position, where you both lay on your side is perhaps a good option, as it allows you to stimulate your clitoris, and neither of you are supporting your own or your partner's weight. It is shown on the following page:
interco.htm
Another option is any position where you are bent at the waist, like doggy style. You can stand and bend over a chair, table, or counter top so your legs can remain together.
Here is a link to a recent article in Cosmopolitan magazine that featured several positions with the woman on top, perhaps one would be appropriate for you.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,426380_681346-11,00.html
There are many suggestions on my website linked to below:
pos1.htm
It is also possible that intercourse may not be an appropriate sexual activity for you because of your physical limitations.
Question: Can your clitoris shift out of place or collapse or something similar due to too much force and pressure on it. I'm wondering whether or not it is possible to move, shift or maybe even in a way break it? Or collapse the clitoris due to too much pressure or force during masturbation with just your fingers. I've always thought that an extremely forceful blow, due to a non self inflicted injury, was the only way to actually damage your clitoris. Can you do it with just the force of your own hand?
I've experienced orgasm before, due to different methods, but I've never actually experienced orgasm due to me rubbing myself with just my hand or fingers. I did try recently and I eventually came to a climax in which I had a mild sensation that I thought may have been an orgasm at the moment of it happening. But I wasn't quite sure because it wasn't as strong as other orgasms I've experienced. So I just continued to pleasure myself believing it might not have been an orgasm after all. After awhile this very sensitive sensation developed in my clitoris where I had to stop and was not able to even touch it for a minute or two, because it was extremely sensitive and I just couldn't bare to mess with it. But after a few minutes, it was ok. I didn't think much of it, so I continued to pleasure myself until I was too tired to continue. That is when I came to the conclusion that I was probably right about my first original opinion of already experiencing orgasm. My clitoris was throbbing for a few minutes after I finished, in which I didn't think much of either. I believe that is normal? The next day I felt very sore in my groin area. Would this be normal? My clitoris wasn't sore, just the areas around my clitoris, where nothing is there and you can press down and it's hard as if its bone. I figured that was just due to all the rubbing and stuff. But my clitoris just didn't feel right and didn't feel like it was in the right position because when I rubbed it up and down it just didn't feel like usual and was kind of flat as if my clitoris was shifting off to the right or downwards into body, or shall I say just simply out of place, and it also didn't have the same feeling as it usually does. I feel as if my clitoris or the whole 'lump' (I guess including the clitoris and the covering around it) was also smaller. I concluded this from me just thinking it's out of place and me thinking maybe I wasn't even rubbing the actually clitoris. My clitoris's shape just doesn't feel the same and I feel like I have some loss of sensitivity and it doesn't feel the same when I touch it.
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
While others have experienced the same and asked similar questions I don't know a likely cause for your experience.
The clitoris is securely anchored to the pubic bone by a suspensory ligament so it cannot move about freely. Even the body and glans are held in place by surrounding tissues. This prevents the clitoris from projecting straight out from the body like the penis does in men. I don't envision inward pressure being able to cause the clitoris to tear loose from its surrounding tissues, at least without there being a lot of pain.
The size and sensitivity of the clitoris is influenced by androgen type hormones like testosterone. A decrease in or insufficiency of these hormones may result in a decrease in the size and sensitivity of the clitoris. Menopause, natural or surgical, may have this affect on the clitoris, to some degree, but I would not expect this to happen overnight.
A recently published medical article states that when certain abnormalities were observed in the clitoris during ultrasound examination all the affected women reported a history of "severe" blunt force trauma to the genital area. I don't know if a person's fingers could produce enough pressure to cause injury, tearing or crushing, to the internal clitoral structures. Since these incidents of injury were clearly recalled by the women it seems likely there was considerable pain and possible visible injury present that imprinted it into their memories. The significance of these abnormalities and there relevance to the sexual dissatisfaction could not be concluded by this study, as it was a preliminary investigative study. The study also mentioned that women with vascular disease also had obstructed blood flow in the pelvic region, and no conclusions were made but a possibility of sexual dissatisfaction noted.
You obviously irritated the surrounding genital tissues, as a result of the pressure, friction, and the duration that they were applied. Others who have tried too hard to experience orgasm from clitoral stimulation using similar techniques have mentioned the same irritation. The same may occur if a woman rubs her vulva against her partner's body or another object in an attempt to experience orgasm. I do not believe an occasional over indulgence has any lasting affect on the body, any more than would sore muscles and blisters from a long hike or run. The body is very resilient and adaptive. For there to be injury there either has to be obvious trauma or repetition, as is the case with repetitive motion injuries. Your don't appear to have experienced either.
Men usually experience a period after orgasm where they cannot experience another erection until a minimum amount of time has past, and I have seen evidence that some women experience the same. I don't know if the body consumes all the necessary chemicals and needs time to replenish them or if the body simply needs time to rest. Perhaps your clitoris was exhausted and needed time to recover. Your clitoris may have felt smaller as a result of there being less than normal amounts of some chemical in your body, as a result of it being depleted, or your clitoris was unable to respond to it. Your clitoris may not have been able a day later to return to its normal state of erection, requiring relaxed blood vessels, let alone full erection. If your clitoris was truly smaller a week later then there is likely a reason for concern.
Because women are often so unfamiliar with their genitals, for numerous reasons, it is often difficult to know what is normal and abnormal for an individual. Has your clitoris truly changed or are you just know becoming aware of its true size and limitations? The same applies when women write to me asking about perceived changes in color, texture, scent, and body fluids. I receive many letters from women who have never looked at their vulva and they want to know if what they observe on first examination is normal. It could be normal or abnormal depending on what their normal state is. A momentary observation can be of little value, except in cases of obvious trauma or infection. You mention that you don't normally masturbate to orgasm with your fingers one has to wonder how familiar you actually are with your vulva.
In regard to your inability to masturbate to orgasm through clitoral stimulation there are many possibilities, many of which are addressed on the website. Are you sure you are stimulating your clitoris, as sometimes women mistake other structures for their clitoris? Masturbate while observing your vulva in a mirror. Does your clitoral hood slide back and forth across your clitoris or are clitoral adhesions or trapped smegma preventing this? What affect does the use of additional lubrication have on your pleasure? Does sufficient desire and arousal exist prior to clitoral stimulation to ensure your mind and body are able to handle the intense stimulation? Have you tried using a vibrator, as for some women they are a necessity not an option, because they require sustained and intense stimulation if they are to experience orgasm.
The short term increased sensitivity you experienced after what may have been an orgasm could indicate it truly was an orgasm, as this is a common experience after orgasm. The weakness of the orgasm could indicate you haven't learned how to have clitoral orgasms and may actual fight against the associated sensations and bodily responses rather than accepting them and going with the flow.
Question: First I would like to say your site is the most informative site on the net.........trust me I've been searching for months.........I've just spent the last 3 hours searching for answers to my question on your site but cannot find one so I really hope you can help me out.
About a couple months ago I noticed 3 small black bumps about 1/4 in away from my anus. Every month about a week before my period they swell (not a whole lot) and become very itchy. I have also noticed some more around my anus, I don't think it is hemorrhoids because I do not bleed when I have a bowel movement. After my period is over they are flat again and do not itch.....I am 24 and am married and have 2 children.
I thought it could be HPV or genital warts but I have not been with anyone else besides my husband. Every month they seem to get larger and have more (oh I also popped them once with a needle which was extremely painful and only blood came out) and then a couple days ago when my period was over I noticed 3 small black dots on my outer labia up top this concerns me because this is how it started out around my anus and I don't know if it is spreading. I am very frustrated as to what this could be. I also have a small Bartholin's cyst on my inner labia about 2 years now. My doc said 2 yrs ago not to worry about it unless it causes pain.......It does not nor does it bother me. I do not have any insurance nor the money available right now to go to an OBGYN also it's pretty embarrassing so I'm trying to get some answers. Please help me. I am trying to save to go to the doctor but with my 2 children and my husband just lost his job..........things are very tight......Please ..Please help if you have any information you can give me as to an idea of what this could be......
P.S. Can HPV be transmitted without sexual contact because if this is an STD that my husband gave me then it means he's been with someone else.........I don't know......I'm in tears I dont know what this is ........Ok I will stop typing.....
Answer: I am not a doctor so I cannot provide a medical diagnosis only general information.
I had a look through my book of "Vulval Diseases" and saw only one image that seemed to show what you described. The condition is called Lymphangioma. As mentioned on the following page, it can be confused with warts caused by HPV.
http://www.emedicine.com/DERM/topic866.htm
Here are additional links on the same and similar subjects:
http://www.ijdvl.com/article.asp?issn=0378-6323;year=2002;volume=68;issue=3;spage=166;epage=167;aulast=Sharma
http://www.wdxcyber.com/vagvul.htm
http://www.vulvarhealth.org/disorders.html
http://www.greenjournal.org/cgi/content/abstract/101/5/946
Here is the Google search I did to find above websites, and others
http://www.google.com/search?q=%2Blymphangioma+%2Bvulva&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&start=10&sa=N
Your questions about HPV are answered on the following website:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus
Another Google search that may be useful:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=%2Bbumps+%2Bvulva+%2Banus&btnG=SearchBased on what you have said I highly recommend that you see a doctor, as the problem appears to be getting worse.