Question: I'm 37 years old and I have questions and no one to ask. I've been divorced for 5 months and my sex drive hit me hard after it was "turned off" for a long time. I've had experience with men (my first sexual partner and two husbands) but still know very little about sexuality. Not surprising considering the way I was raised, it was never discussed. My first husband stopped having sex with me after our daughter was born (Madonna complex??)- 4 years later I divorced him as I no longer felt loved. I think I married my second husband strictly from wanting sex and we had a good time for a month - then when I found out what kind of person he really was - it was too late and I was no longer attracted in any form and didn't want to have sex with him any longer. I was with that absolute slug for a long time. Now... 7 years after the last time I had "fun" sex I'm starting to explore my sexuality. I bought some toys and started to experiment. One of the things I have noticed about myself is that I get really turned on by pictures of nude women and especially two women getting it on with each other. I don't know if this is due to my sneaking my dad's Penthouse magazines when I was only 9 or that I'm pre-disposed to women. Is it normal for a "straight" person to get off looking at women? Or does that mean I'm bi?? While touching a woman intimately and being touched in return sounds interesting to me - the thought of kissing on the mouth does not. I also do not know much about using these toys or the best techniques for masturbation. I live in a small town and also have two kids so I figure it will be a LONG while before I have a sexual partner and need to find my own gratification. Any hints, clues, etc? I was playing around last week - still not sure how I did it - but I had my first true orgasm. My first sexual partner was a bit abusive and I learned to "fake it" early on. While my spouses would excite me - I never felt that I reached what could be called an orgasm. I was blown away by what I now recognize as an orgasm. I always told my husbands not to touch my clitoris - it never felt good. Now I realize they just did not know what they were doing because whenever they did it - they hurt me. The orgasm I had today was from clitoral stimulation. Any recommendations on a great clit toy?? Not knowing much about this - I only got myself a regular and g-spot vibrator. I've continued to masturbate for an hour or more each evening and have not been able to orgasm again. It seems that a lot of sites recommend the Hitachi - would that work for me? I'm on a budget so I want to get something that will work and last (plus the attachments are as expensive as the wand!). I wonder how something with such a large head instead of more of a point can get you to orgasm. I also seem to arouse to visuals. It there anything in that area you would also recommend? Sorry for such a "novel" - I truly don't have anyone to ask such questions - this is all new to me.

Answer: Sorry to hear of your bad past sexual experiences, lack of sex education, and bad partners. It is wonderful that you are exploring your body and sexuality and seeking answers to your questions.

Your concerns about finding visual images of girl/girl sex and nude women sexually stimulating is a common concern among "heterosexual" women. If you read through the masturbation experiences visitors to the website have submitted, you will see several have had the same concern, but were happy to learn it is normal and common. I am not sure when such attractions and thoughts become an indication of sexual orientation versus when they are simply an expression of curiosity. In your case, it could also be because your male partners have been such poor lovers you are wondering if sex with another woman would be more fulfilling. For you to have a sexual relationship with a woman you should have a good emotional relationship with her first, your aversion to kissing a woman makes this unlikely unless you can figure out why this makes you uncomfortable.

I an glad to hear you have experienced your first orgasm. You may be trying too hard at this point and that is why you have not had another. If you try to have an orgasm it is much harder to have one. Relax and explore pleasure not orgasm. If it does not feel good, do not do it. Do not forget the importance of mental stimulation. Look at those sexy pictures while stimulating your clitoris. Spend the first half hour thinking about sex and looking at pictures, then start stimulating your body. While clitoral stimulation is very important, do not neglect the rest of your body. Limit your stimulation sessions to thirty minutes, or change technique and positions several times.

Buying sex toys depends on your needs. Vibrators come in many sizes and shapes, as you know. Quality and price are another concerns. The Hitachi Magic Wand is a very good and powerful vibrator that provides external clitoral stimulation. The large head stimulates a large area and a powerful motor drives it. I have bought them for several women who have enjoyed using them. They are often called the Cadillac of vibrators. They are a bit pricey at about $50 but will last ten or more years. The Pocket Rocket is battery powered yet powerful and is much smaller and costs around $20.

If you enjoy vaginal penetration and stimulation an insertable vibrator or a dildo may be desirable. I believe it is a matter of trial and error and what your needs are at the moment that determine what works best. A G-Spot vibrator may gain you nothing if you do not have a G-spot. You will likely find that you have a collection of insertables versus one that always fits your needs. You may want to buy one for yourself each Christmas and Birthday. Silicone dildos while more expensive are a better buy. You may have to experiment to determine which size or sizes is appropriate for you. You can experiment with vegetables first then buy the size you like. If you are open to and curious about anal stimulation a small and medium sized butt plug may be a good buy.

Since you enjoy visual stimulation and are learning to masturbate, I recommend getting a copy of Betty Dodson's video, Selfloving: Video Portrait of a Women's Sexuality Seminar would be a great buy. You can see other women masturbate and learn from them. You do not need to buy anything, there is tons of photos online in Yahoo Groups and other websites.